Monday, December 26, 2011
REVIEW: Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Alvin and the Chipmunks:
Some Funny Comedians
December 16, 2011
20th Century Fox
1 hour 27 minutes
There are kid oriented movies, and then there are films like 'Hop,' 'The Smurfs,' and most recently 'Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked.' These are the types of films that are called kids films, but they are really used to make audiences dumber and get a whole crap load of rotten cash. I can admit that I liked the first 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' movie, having some fun music, decent humor, and three likeable characters. In 2009, I sort of liked 'The Squeakquel,' but now I can see that it is one hell of a horrible movie. It's now the end of 2011 and audiences are being "treated" to what's probably going to be the final film in this now trilogy, 'Chipwrecked.' Just how bad is this movie you may ask. Let me put it to you this way: my 10 year old sister fell asleep for half of this movie, and it's less than 90 minutes long! This movie is better than 'The Squeakquel,' but this is still a bad film. People of Earth, why are you paying for these dumb films when you can be going to see better family films like 'The Adventures of Tintin' and 'We Bought A Zoo?' 'Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked' is a bad family film, and just another example of how dumb audiences are getting, as well as how stupid studios can be to get a little bit of money.
Those Chipmunks must do nothing but make terrible movie references, with only little kids or dim witted parents actually laughing at them. 'Indiana Jones,' 'Cast Away,' and 'James Bond' are among the many movies to get ripped to shreds by these helium sounding fur balls. It's hard to watch movies you really enjoy get beaten to the punch by the tiniest rodents that will ever grace the silver screens of the world. Every time someone would talk to a basketball with a face, or say a stupid line like "My Precious," I scratched my head and whined to my sister about the reference. Well she got annoyed by my whining, so it all worked out in the end. Isn't that what big brothers are for? It wasn't even just the movie references that annoyed me; the songs that they sang were even more dumb and unnecessary. They sing songs from 'Vacation' to 'Whip My Hair' ("Tail" in this situation) and they were all so annoying. There is even a scene where these three snobbish ladies pick up a dance fight with The Chipettes. What else more is there to say about that? Cheap rip offs of great songs, terrible movie references, and horrendous jokes are what to be expected in this mess of a film.
If the humans in these 'Chipmunk' films can actually take talking/singing chipmunks seriously, then the entire world should believe that the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are real beings. I get that kids are supposed to believe that these are real and likeable characters, but what is the point? Alvin you know is going to screw the fudge up, Simon will be the smart one, and Theodore is the cute one. Don't expect a lot out of The Chipettes, because they're the feminine versions of The Chipmunks. I never thought about this until now, but I just realized that The Chipmunks and The Chipettes are the reason why 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians' and 'Jersey Shore' exists. If you're a kid out there reading this and don't know what those shows are, GOOD! Don't even look them up unless you expect your mom to put a huge "dunce" cap on your head. Theodore I do give props to for making me hang my lip out and say "Aaaww" to the screen. Other than that, The Chipmunks and Chipettes are the most annoying animated creatures to ever be put into a bad movie series. Speaking of bad animated characters, the live action characters were just as annoying.
Jason Lee is not a good actor when it comes to standing next to a bunch of animated creatures. It's like Ben Stiller taught Lee how to overreact all the time, and he called that "proper acting." Every time a line spewed out of his mouth, my head started throbbing and my soul was getting pissed off. I'm sure Lee is a funny guy, but what was his agent smoking when he signed a three movie contract with a bunch of animated rodents. The same thing goes with series baddie David Cross, who is now a washed up producer still looking for revenge. Cross was actually the best thing to come out of this movie, yet at the same time I felt bad for him. In a recent interview, Cross stated that his Chipmunk contract is up and there are no more Chipmunk films to come with him in it. This is a step up for every actor who's in this movie, because this series is awful.
Of all of the actors in this film who are awful, SNL alumni Jenny Slate gets my award for worst actress of the year. She only lasted one season on SNL, and I hope her abilities in this film aren't the proof. After all, she did write and star in the highly acclaimed 'Marcel the Shell' YouTube videos. She apparently is trying to spoof Tom Hanks' character in 'Cast Away' (see why the movie references suck?) and she combined that with a psychotic woman hungry for money. To be honest, I think she might have been on a lot of drugs during the making of this film, which explains her mediocre acting. I bet she is a very funny person, but being in a 'Chipmunks' movie does not help with that. Overall every actor who graces their face in this film should feel bad that they were involved with this series.
The man sitting in the director's chair this time around is Mike Mitchell, who directed 'Sky High' and 'Shrek Forever After.' I liked both of those films in some way, but he has seriously gone down many notches for directing this smelly piece of crap. Nothing in this movie is intentionally funny at all. In fact, all of the funniest parts to me were funny because I felt bad for everyone who was involved. There are so many better family movies out there, yet kids like to see this crappy series, as well as other CGI/live action hybrid movies. How do you think 'Garfield' even got a sequel back in 2006? That's because kids aren't critics. They would enjoy seeing pixie fairies get blown to bits by the smurfs, and that would be considered a "kid classic" when they're 38 years old.
I understand that this movie wasn't made for my audience demographic, but neither was 'Winnie the Pooh' and 'Kung Fu Panda 2.' See my riff here? Of all of the intentional kid’s movies this is by far the dumbest one to have come out. At least 'Mr. Popper's Penguins' had Jim Carrey to hold on to. (But that still didn't help that awful movie) If you want to take your kids to a movie before 2011 is up, don't go to this one. 'Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked' is an unholy mess that will have anyone over 8 squirming in their seats or as sound as a cloud. My sister and I are the living proof of this, so do I have to say much more?
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